Thank you for affording me the luxury of click-clicking to buy extra things from Amazon that are desirable and unneccessary but utterly justifiable on the grounds that you’re saving me money on postage and packaging in the long run.
Dear Paint Colour Charts,
Thank you for your ingenious and imaginative names. Especially Messers Farrow & Ball whose range includes: “Cat’s Paw”; “Dead Salmon”; “Ringwold Ground”. I smile at the thought of you sitting in some meeting room and coming up with them all.
Dear New Nike Trainers,
Thank you for smelling totally amazing when you came out of the box (sorry it won’t last), for reminding me of the summer term at school and for being kind to my knees. And for giving me the opportunity to spend a further £25 on a Nike+ iPod accessory that I don’t need but that I want.
Dear Range Rovers,
Thank you for being so big so that all the rest of us can easily see which drivers are likely to sit in the outside lane with their headlights on full beam whilst talking on their mobile to their chums about their personalised number plate.
(PS Not all your drivers are rotters, but you do seem to attract a certain type…)
Dear Oxford Tube,
Thank you for so religiously demonstrating the received wisdom that red buses come along in 2s and 3s. The idea that you do it on purpose makes me smile.
Thank you for making me feel like I really “can do it” when I’m at home and then bewildering me utterly when I’m in store and trying to find the right type of grout for the bathroom. I’m still not sure whether or not I think it’s clever that your domain name is http://www.diy.com, but thank you for making me think about it.
Thank you for creating the “My Beautiful World Cup Moment” campaign. The TV ad enthralls me from start to finish and fills me with admiration for the team that came up with it – must have been a great moment itself. All the other brands will try but I don’t think anything else will contribute to my excitement and anticipation for the event itself quite so vividly.